Having the Courage to Create and Escape the Cocoon

3:20:00 PM

Getting into professional school is a challenge in itself. Most people that even make it through college have had enough. There are others that take the brief time off after college, from their respective disciplines, and find that their scholarly services in the arts are not as necessary for the real worlds function as they would like—let’s call this the real world fallacy and expensive coffee table conversation. Of course, I am stuck in that illusory category myself.

This is not to day that being an English buff isn’t something to be proud of or useful in its own right, because it can very well be. I have been writing here and there for magazines and writing copy as an occasional contribution. My writing skills and personality have been acknowledged to be hip and fresh because of my age and various spins on things. The point is as much as I would love to stow myself away in an attic for months like Faulkner and finish my ‘big idea novel’, I have bills to pay. This is the saddest truth I have recognized to date. One can only be pleased with themselves, and the small accomplishment, for writing on Word a few paragraphs at a time without the pestering intrusion of the dreaded red and green lines of fallacy. Is that all a $30,000 degree has gotten me, this game of Word perfection?

Well it’s not always over when the fat lady sings, because I have sung opera, jazz, musical theatre and everything else under the sun. I am determined to continue to work hard, spend a bit more money and dig myself out of it for the rest of my life. I can only say that I have always had this feeling that I was put on this earth for a reason and will not go down six feet beneath the shell of this earthy with not a soul knowing my name. I intend to accomplish and conquer my dreams. The goal for these last few months has been to come up with something called a backbone and instead of running for the hills, running toward what scares the shit out of me.

So for now, I am a writer and singer in my soul but I also take care of people. This is who I am and it will be so. My journey to medical school has been derailed but PA school will displace it. I have milled over this idea in my mind for a long time and now that I have taken the shroud from my eyes, that lend to me the truth of big debt professional schools, I am consoled. The pay is very good, the hours are even better and I can see patients, prescribe medications and live a good life. I can even have some time off to write in the evenings and finish my book among other things. I love looking into the open window of the future and saying to myself, ‘look at your life Marie, isn’t it wonderful?’

The caterpillar must become a butterfly at some point if they intend to cocoon themselves, or they die. Life is about restructuring and adaptation. Look at Darwin, he made an entire life and fortune from just that—survival. 

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